Posted by: badasqui | September 4, 2007

first post


Responses

  1. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris??

  2. As i bit into the nectarine it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable.

    Until I realized it wasn’t a nectarine at all,
    but a childs head.

  3. When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, “I like mayonnaise.” She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

  4. Most people don’t realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

  5. I don’t think God put me on this Earth to judge others.
    I think he put me here to gather specimens and take them back to my home planet.

  6. Am i the only person here who wants to scissor kick Angela Landsbury?

  7. Dwight Schrute:

    Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch.

    Can you imagine if I was deranged?

  8. I remember how my Great Uncle Fleagle would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. It was almost as good as the first one, except now it had bumpy whittle marks all over it. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint. Maybe he wasn’t so Great.

  9. Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire…. and nobody got scared.

    Maldistribution.

  10. If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because tonight that’s what He’s getting.

  11. If you’re traveling in a time machine, and you’re eating corn on the cob, I don’t think it’s going to affect things one way or the other. But here’s the point I’m trying to make: Corn on the cob is timeless, isn’t it?

  12. You know what’s probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood.


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